Calling all cheese aficionados, listen up! There’s a cheesy crisis afoot and it’s time to take stock of your beloved cheese collection. The Food Standards Agency (FSA) has sounded the alarm, prompting a recall of not one, not two, but five types of cheese due to the ominous spectre of E. coli contamination. Yes, you heard that right, a potentially hazardous situation has emerged in the world of dairy delights.

The cheeses at the heart of this unsettling drama include Mrs Kirkham’s Mild and Creamy Lancashire, Mrs Kirkham’s Tasty Lancashire, Mrs Kirkham’s Mature Lancashire, and Mrs Kirkham’s Smoked Lancashire. But wait, there’s more! The FSA didn’t stop there, they also included Route des Terroirs’ Morbier Maison Monts & Terroirs Chalet De Vevy Raw Cows’ Milk Cheese in their grim recall list.

But why all the fuss over some cheese, I hear you ask? It seems that those devious Shiga toxin-producing E. Coli bacteria have managed to infiltrate certain batches of these beloved cheeses. And trust me, the symptoms brought on by these E. Coli villains are not to be trifled with. We’re talking about severe diarrhoea, and in some cases, the even more unsettling prospect of bloody diarrhoea, accompanied by abdominal pain. In the most dire of scenarios, it can lead to haemolytic uremic syndrome (HUS), a grave condition that can result in kidney failure and, in the most tragic cases, prove fatal.

The FSA isn’t taking any chances with this dire situation. They’ve urged consumers to steer clear of the affected cheeses, ensuring it’s all tucked away and not mingling with any other foodstuff. Additionally, they’ve advised individuals to get in touch with the retailer from whom they purchased the cheese to ascertain if it’s part of the affected batch.

If you happen to have in your possession Morbier Maison Monts & Terroirs Chalet De Vevy Raw Cows’ Milk Cheese with a best before date of 24/01/24 and stamp number FR 39.558.002. CE, or any size or use by date of Mrs Kirkham’s cheese bought since 1 October 2023, it might be wise to hold off on enjoying a cheesy snack.

And what about those brave souls who have already sampled the suspect cheese? Keep a vigilant eye out for any of the symptoms we mentioned earlier. If anything seems awry, it’s imperative to seek medical attention without delay.

In an effort to safeguard consumers, point of sale notices will be affixed in the locations where the products were purveyed, elucidating the rationale behind the recall and dispensing guidance on what steps to take next.

So, if any of these cheeses are lingering in your abode, it might be time to bid them a fond farewell. After all, the last thing any cheese connoisseur would desire is for their affection for cheese to lead to an unsavoury situation. Stay safe, cheese lovers!