Ladies and gentlemen, the season of Yuletide is fast approaching, and with it comes the promise of a delectable banquet! And believe it or not, it’s not just the denizens of the outside world who will partake in this culinary joy. Yes, you heard that right. Even those behind bars will have the opportunity to savour some festive delights come Christmas morn.

Curious as to what delicacies will grace the menu? Well, each correctional facility will have its own array of offerings for the inmates to select from – though, admittedly, it won’t quite rival the fine dining experiences offered at Michelin-starred establishments. Nonetheless, within the confines of a limited budget, the prison kitchens manage to concoct quite the impressive spread to infuse a bit of Christmas merriment.

The Ministry of Justice is ensuring that no one within the prison walls will suffer from FOMO when it comes to the merriment of the season. From salmon and roast turkey to catering for the dietary needs of vegans and those on a halal diet, the authorities have left no stone unturned in ensuring that everyone partakes in the festivities. That’s what we call an all-inclusive dining experience, isn’t it?

Now, before you start fretting about taxpayer funds being drained for this lavish affair, let me reassure you – the Christmas meals are being financed directly from the existing prison budget, amounting to a mere £2.02 per inmate per day. It may seem like a financial stretch, but it’s a true testament to the ability to make the best out of limited resources, wouldn’t you agree?

Since 2017, prison governors have been granted more autonomy in deciding the contents of the menus, thus it’s in their hands to determine how the budget will be allocated. Fortunately, the holiday spirit seems to have worked its magic, as the proposed menus for Category B and C prisons are nothing short of impressive.

For the morning meal, inmates have the option of a pre-packed breakfast featuring yoghurt or Weetabix, a cereal bar, and a piping hot beverage. Not to mention the special festive touch of a satsuma and a mince pie on the side. Alternatively, those in the mood for a heartier option could indulge in cereal, a boiled egg, grilled sausage, and jam-slathered toast. That’s quite the hearty start to the day, wouldn’t you say?

Moving on to lunch, a delectable spread awaits. Tomato soup with bread rolls sets the stage, followed by an array of choices including vegan wellington, roast turkey, salmon and broccoli parcel, vegetable lasagne, garlic bread, and a halal-friendly tandoori chicken. Accompanied by the essential sides of Brussels sprouts, carrots, and lashings of gravy to tie it all together. And to cap it off? Christmas pudding or a selection of cheese and biscuits for a perfectly sweet conclusion.

But wait, there’s more! Dinner brings another feast to the table. From vegan flan and salad to pork pie salad, the prisoners are truly in for a treat. And the buffet is certainly no trifling matter – with ham, chicken, veggie quiche, nut roast, and an assortment of other delicacies. And to round it off in splendid fashion? Christmas cake or a delightful mince pie, naturally.

There you have it, a veritable feast fit for the prison walls. Who says prisoners can’t revel in the joy of Christmas? Cheers to the season, even within the confines of captivity!