The battle with food is a struggle that many people face, and for some, it takes over their lives. It’s a tale as old as time, and for me, it began when I was young and continued even after I had gastric bypass surgery at 17. Losing a lot of weight made me think I had control over my eating, but I was hit with another hurdle – this time affecting the health of my unborn child.
Pregnancy on its own is quite the rollercoaster, but adding gestational diabetes to the mix made it even more challenging. As someone who’s had a complicated relationship with food, being diagnosed with gestational diabetes felt like a crushing blow. The restrictions on what I could eat led me to question my own sanity and obsession with sugary foods. It was like being trapped in a cycle of cravings and repulsion, with my mind in constant turmoil.
My journey with food has been a long, hard one. From crash diets to periods of reactive eating, I desperately sought a sense of control over my body and eating habits. But through it all, I realized that dieting made me miserable and boring. I began to focus on nurturing my body through yoga and accepting it for what it was, even though it didn’t fit society’s standards of beauty. But when pregnancy came into the picture, my newfound acceptance of my body was put to the test.
The restrictions on what I could eat due to gestational diabetes and my past surgical procedures left me feeling suffocated. It felt like the progress I had made in embracing a positive relationship with food and my body was being undone. The constant monitoring of my diet and blood glucose levels became overwhelming, and I found myself slipping back into the familiar patterns of diet culture that I had fought so hard to escape.
However, amidst the struggle, there was a glimmer of hope in the form of a certified diabetes educator who understood the complexities of my situation. Their support provided me with a sense of relief during my pregnancy journey. Despite the ongoing battle with my diet, I found comfort in knowing that this intense focus on what I ate would be temporary.
As I approach the end of my pregnancy, I am filled with mixed emotions. While I am glad that the challenges of gestational diabetes will soon be over, I am also apprehensive about how this experience will shape my relationship with food in the future. The fear of reverting back to viewing food as a test of my morality lingers in the back of my mind.
However, I am determined to continue the work of dismantling the negative lessons of diet culture, ensuring that my mental health does not become compromised by the experiences I have had during my pregnancy. It is an ongoing process, but one that I am committed to for the sake of myself and my child.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, reaching out for support is essential. Organizations such as the National Eating Disorder Association and Beat are valuable resources in providing assistance and guidance. Remember that you are not alone, and help is available.
As my pregnancy journey nears its end, I am filled with hope that I can resume the work of embracing a positive relationship with food and my body, free from the constraints of diet culture. The road ahead may not be easy, but with determination and support, I am confident that it is possible.
